mistake, misbehave, misunderstand

i know i misbehaved often times.
i put on a long face and sudden silence.
i mistreated people around me.
somehow i led them to misunderstandings.
i just couldn’t keep my composure well..
i know it’s my bad 😦

but you know what?
sometimes i didn’t realize that i did misbehave.
sometimes i am uncertain about which part of my deed β€” or my words β€” that hurt you.
i am not saying that not knowing what i did or said wrong leaves me fine and okay. it’s killing me, you know.
it is not cool, hurting people by words or actions, but not knowing what exactly gives them such pain.

i always hold on to the fact that human learn from their experiences; we human keep learning that way, whether or not you feel it.
remember those genius inventors? Einstein, Edison, or Bell?
they met hundreds moments of failure, and they managed to learn from those failure, and then achieved their goals.
it is the same with our daily lives.
we learn from what happened yesterday, so we can make a better tomorrow.

so please, please show me where i did wrong.
show me what it is that hurt you.
was it something i said? was it something i did?
or was it something i didn’t say or do?

please tell me..
don’t leave me drifting in this confusion.
help me to do better. to say better. to behave better.
remind me of how things should be said or done.
would you help me, people?

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Bastille – Flaws (recorded at Abbey Road)

..you have always worn your flaws upon your sleeves,
and i have always buried them deep beneath the ground.
dig them up, let’s finish what we’ve started
dig them up, so nothing’s left unturned..

when all of your flaws and all of my flaws are laid out one by one
look at the wonderful mess that we made, we picked ourselves undone.

O God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed;
courage to change the things which should be changed;
and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.

— Reinhold Neibuhr, “The Serenity Prayer”. 1943

hello Prambanan :)

this picture was taken in Prambanan Temple, Central Java. errr i know we can’t see the temple here πŸ˜€
but this was a trip i could rarely have, since i couldn’t meet my best friend often. due to her living in Bandung, West Java; which is quite far from where i live. it is a good thing itself that i can see her once a year. so i do cherish this moment πŸ™‚

*ou, the people in this picture are: “him”, me, my best friend, and her boyfriend*

Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.

— Charles Dickens

β€œI want to exist from my own force, like the sun, which gives light and does not suck light.”

— Carl Jung

out of reach

there you are,
lost in a world only you know;
deeper in thoughts;
speak nothing but silence.

getting lost even further, eh?
drowning that surrounding crowds,
pushing all noises away and away,
until your voice of mind is the only one you hear.

yes, it’s you.
steadily standing,
undisturbed by simply anything;
leaving these tiny hands of mine reaching.
for you.

there,
still and happy;
calm as can be.
you are fine in your own company.

tell me.
out of reach;
is it how you will remain?

Aiyaaa! :D

sebuah video tentang bagaimana seharusnya karakter seorang pemimpin; menampilkan lima orang pemimpin Indonesia: Anies Baswedan (rektor Universitas Paramadina), Joko Widodo (gubernur DKI Jakarta), Yusuf Kalla (ketua Palang Merah Indonesia), Ganjar Pranowo (gubernur Jawa Tengah), dan Abraham Samad (ketua Komisi Pemberantasan Korupsi/KPK).
video ini ditampilkan di sebuah talkshow dimana kelima tokoh tersebut menjadi narasumber; dengan tema ‘penebar inspirasi’. terlihat sedikit konyol mungkin. tetapi menggelitik pikiran dan menggugah gagasan kita akan kriteria seorang pemimpin bangsa, yang kita nantikan untuk mengemban amanah sebagai Presiden Republik Indonesia selanjutnya πŸ™‚

Landslide – Glee cast version

one scene from Glee, featuring Gwyneth Paltrow. beautiful song from Fleetwood Mac; they made it more enjoyable too πŸ™‚

reminiscing, on a little interesting finding :)

cleaning up our messy things sometimes leads us to interesting findings; like our writing few years ago. this one is mine. i wrote this in 2011, as fulfillment of a request from my team division (in a student organization) before we carried on our programs. she asked me and other members to write about ourselves, things we feel, we dream, anything we want to write in a book which cover is on our own design. so i wrote this:

….

Just in case you’re wondering why the cover of this book has Chelsea FC stickers; the reason is because i like Chelsea FC, a lot! ❀
And i like Blue as well. i also love chocolate, coffee, cheese, pasta, and nasi goreng — or fried rice — and japanese food. haha i do eat a lot, i’m telling you~ πŸ˜‰

I also have music and English as my passion. Life is empty and horrible without music! And my top three kinds of music i like the most are Jazz, Punk Rock, and R&B. And English? hmm.. It’s been an inseparable part of me! haha. I grew up with it, living every single day with it, as well as now. Feels like i’m no longer ‘me’ without English πŸ˜€

Some activities that i like to do are traveling, listening to music, watching movies, rafting, and reading books. My favorites are the one that Agatha Christie wrote. Actually i want to mention some of my favorite movies, but ‘some’ here resembles ‘a lot’.. X) so i tell you my favorite TV series instead: Bones, Criminal Minds, Glee, and NCIS.

Hmmm suddenly i remember the hardest question for me to answer: “asalnya darimana?” :’)
why so? it’s quite a long story to tell.. but i’ll try to make it short.

Well, as i mentioned before, i was born in Magelang. I stayed there for at about 2 years, then i moved out to Bandung for a year. When i was three years-old, i moved out to Lahat, Sumatera Selatan. Then the following year i moved out (again!) to Baturaja, still in the same province; Sumatera Selatan.
At age 4 and a half, i went to TK Aisiyah 1 Baturaja. Then at age 5,5 i went to SDN 02 Ogan Komering Ulu (OKU). Waah so many interesting things happened there! The cute-little-me.. X) haha. I was graduated from that elementary school at 2004, with English as my worst grade! πŸ˜€
I continued my middle-high at SMPN 1 OKU, which is the best middle-high in town. And these three years are my victorious years ever! haha. it was like i had the world in my hands; i had great friends, great achievements, outstanding academic history i can say. Plus good lovestory.. hehe *i don’t know the right term for it*

At 2007, i had to move out to Solo; to continue my study at SMAN 3 Solo. This moving out thing, is the hardest thing i’ve ever gone through in my life so far. The last year of my middle-high was the very peak moments; when i had the world in my hands. And guess what? After graduation i left that lovely small town, with my world shattering into pieces.
I had to leave my great friends, beloved best friends, my lovely house, neighborhood, teachers, and TPA πŸ˜₯
I left with nothing but memories, i had to start off a new life from the very beginning! Just imagine, you were on top of a roller coaster, then you went down —you fell — at the very next moment. Well, maybe it doesn’t sound hard for you. But it was hard for me, It took time, really some time, for me to accept that i was no longer in that town..

Thank God, i have a great friend, best friend here in Solo, who helped me to get through those hard times. Her name is Della. We were at the same class in Aksel SMAN 3 Solo and now she’s studying Architecture in UNS. We have lot of things in common. Like taste of music, movies, some food, and we both had spent some years in Sumatera. I feel grateful that i have her still, that we have this bond, a strong one! haha.

I’m not saying that you guys in Psychology UNS are not great.. Of course you are! You guys help me learn many things; about life, college-life, and teamwork. And many others that i can’t mention :’)
How can i be ungrateful having you guys with me? I have a ‘mother’, ‘grandmother’, sister, (lita!) twin (do we really look alike, tis?), nameless-gang mate (are we mobsters ki? haha), mbak pohon, my big bro (still longing to hear your story, man!), and my friends of psy ’09; hopefully we’ll be more united from time to time..

Haha alhamdulillah, hard times are over; now happy days are here again! now i’m ready. i believe that i am sturdy inside, and i will sparkle on the outside. i believe that “sturdy inside, sparkle outside” is not just words of the year; it is something that we’re gonna bring into reality πŸ˜€

We’re gonna sing out burdens, sorrows, sadness, and troubles together, so it will feel lighter and became easier to overcome. And we’re gonna sing along our joys, happiness, togetherness, and wonderful moments, so it will feel greater and lie in our memories forever. Life is about choices; life is an adventure. But it won’t be a worth-having one if we go through it alone. So i choose to live this adventure — life — along with you guys, my great friends. Hand in hand, we’re gonna paint a perfect picture; create beautiful melodies that will bring smiles into our faces, now and forever more πŸ˜‰

Well, i told you i wanted to make it short. But unfortunately i can’t. ahaha. That’s what happens when words are flowing from my head to my pen πŸ˜€

Before this story really ends, i want to share my favorite quotes, like:
“In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate” — Isaac Asimov

“we are gonna paint a perfect picture; create beautiful melodies that will bring smiles into our faces, now and forever more ;)”
gambar yang sempurna tidak selalu terbentuk dari pewarna/tinta mahal, mewah, atau berkualitas sangat baik. Kadang malah terbentuk dari warna yang gelap atau tinta-tinta yang sederhana.. tapi pelukisnya luar biasa.. memadukannya.. dan mensyukuri hasilnya..

Selamat datang asa! πŸ™‚
dalam Harmoni akan banyak kejutan.. seperti kehidupanmu. banyak yang tak terduga.. peristiwa acak yang sepertinya tak punya hubungan dan tak bermakna..
susunlah, hingga jadi melodi yang indah..
be U! be FRESH! jadilah penyegar πŸ˜€ jadilah motivator! *senyum kamu tuh manis.. jadi jangan seirng-sering manyun a.k.a. cemberut ya πŸ˜‰ *
Luruskan niat! Semangat menebar kebaikan ^_^
FYI: kamu manis sekali dengan rokmu, dik πŸ™‚

Β 

— mentari pagi —

and this was what my team division wrote in reply of my writing. it is really something to remember, i guess. thank you, mentari pagi a.k.a. kristalviolet :))